Surat #613 Amer dan Jasjus

(Disclaimer : Karena Oom pikir isi pesan ini bakal dapat sampai kepada para penerima surat, jadi sama sekali tidak melakukan penyutingan apapun dari surat ini, selamat membaca, Gais)

Hi, Amer & Gus.

Boom! You know me guys, the one who called Jasjus as Gus, it is only me. Your lovely kesayangan. Tonight is a random night, all I want to do is hug you guys, Amer and Gus. That is why I write this letter. I dont even know why, but out of no where, when I was brushing my teeth and you guys came into my mind.

Hi, Mer!

Do you remember the first time we met? At that comment section? I guess no.. but I know, you believe that every seconds of my life— I remember that.
So, let me tell you again.

Long time ago, Jean was scrolling the SayaApp‘s timeline. Whoa she was just a newbie, level 10. And a post catch her attention. The post is:

“Menurut kalian perlu ga sih sebagai mahasiswa itu demo di kampus?”

And she kept talking on that comment section. Amer came. And Amer didn’t agree with Jean, but Jean didn’t care. Out of no where, people on that comment section talked about “leftist” “communism” “capitalism” and Jean were looked like a girl on fire. Then.. Amer said:

“PC Mba Jean, ahh. Nanti gw kasih KFC.”

“Gua maunya perusahaan KFC yang di Kentucky, Amerika.” Jean said.

“W cry.”

“Yaudah McD, kalo gitu.”

“Gua maunya perusahaan MCD, yang di US juga.”

“Fix w cry.”

Hahahahhahahahaha. But you texted me anyway. I am chatting with someone who said anything “honestly”. Mer, I love you. I love the way you take a pict and give it to me randomly. I love the way you tell me your problem. I love the way you keep texting me, when I don’t reply your text. 

“Anjing lo, Jean. Bales pc gw!!!!”

You know.. hahahhahahahhahaha. When I didn’t reply your text it doesn’t mean that I was ignoring you. I still care. But.. sabar bisa ga sih, Anjing? Gua punya life. Enggak kayak lo.

And now, we are a bestfriend.

I don’t know the truth definition of “bestfriend”, but I just care–too much–about you.

*send a pict of teeth*

“Jean”

“Anjing”

“Gusi gw berdarah apa obatnya, Bu Dokter.”

*send a pict of dahak*

“Jean dahak gw kental, kenapa ya, Bu Doookkkteeeeer.”

*send a pict of your blood*

“Jean darah gw kentel kenapaaa ya, Bu Dokteeer.”

*send a pict of sempak biru*

“Jean sempak gw tinggal 1 fix w cry.”

*send a pict of indomie*

*send a pict of nasi padang*

*send a pict of nasi goreng*

*send videos*

*send a pict of your eyes, my daily dose*

Hahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahhahahaha. I love you. Do you remember the first time we had a phone call and you were crying, ga, sih, Njing?

“Jean.. gw harus apa?” *crying*

“Mer.. calm..” *hirup ingus*

*amer hirup ingus*

“Jean lo nangis?” *hirup ingus*

“Hooh.” *hirup ingus*

Hahahahahahahhahahaha. Babi, gua ini mahasiwi tingkat akhir lagi nangis bareng-bareng dan hirup ingus bareng lo karena lo patah hati. Hahahhaahahahahhahahahahha. Ampas. Hei, I love you.

“Jean fake friend lo, Anjing. Bales chat lama bener. Sok sibuk. Alibi lo, Anjing.”

“Jean ajarin gw fallacy.”

“Jean gw ga ada pulsa.”

“Jeaaaan buroku.”

*send a pict of ember*

“Gw sirem lo, Jean. Bangsat lo.”

“Jean maaf, ya…”

*kirim muka sedih*

Me, still love you. Bahkan muka ampas begitu.


Hi, Gus!

Ahahahahahahhahahhaha. Kesayanganku yang melankolis nan cerdas. *kiss* *kiss lagi*

Kalo lo? Lo inget ga, the first time we met? Ok, let me tell you.

So, she is Jean. Scrolling SayaApp‘s timeline. Then, boom! She found something funny. “Bedah sajak Tereliye bersama gue dan Kesedihan.”

But.. geez.. YANG KOMEN CUMA LO SAMA KESEDIHAN DOANG???????????

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. MENYEDIHKAN. I called Amer, kita berdua komen dan boom! Kita temenan.

Just like Amer, you told me about everything even your dark secret, Gus. You told me that. I do love you.

“Jeaaaaaaan, gue mau cerita.”

“Jeaaaaan, gue sediiiiiih.”

“Jean, Anjing, bales.”

“Napa, Gus?”

“Rokok gue habis.”

Hehe. Hehe. You know my weakness, buat gua panik dengan spam chat supaya gue ngira sesuatu yang emergency.

*send voice note*

“Jean, Anjing, gue sedih. Voice note tombak dong.”

“Jean Anjing, muka lo..”

“Muka lo kayak habis ngewe asal-asalan, Anjing.”

“Jean muka lo 20/10 perek.”

“Muka lo kayak habis di-gangbang.”

“Jean, Bb.. serius.. lo ga pantes insecure kalo secara fisik.” *cheer me up*

“Kalo masalah otak boleh. Lo tolol banget soalnya.” *break my heart*

Hahahahahahahahahah. Gus… You are a good guy. A good guy whom I ever met. You care that much, you know how to treat someone, you know how to speak, you know how to calm someone. You have a good attitude. Lo ga kebawa arus. Lo tetep jadi lo. Lo yang dulu, adalah lo yang sekarang. Everyone says that you are now not “Butiran Jasjus” anymore, but you still my Gus. You are still you.


Amer, Gus, even we haven’t met yet, but I feel so close to you, guys. I can say whatever I want. Gue bisa marah-marah tentang PDTT yang menyuap BPK, gue bisa marah-marah tentang standar ganda yang sering dibawa-bawa oleh feminis-feminis fucktard, gue bisa marah-marah tentang skripsi gue, gue bisa marah-marah tentang mantan gue, gue bisa marah-marah tentang signal gue. I love you, guys.

I love the way we talk each other. How we say anything honestly. How you guys tell me what you both were doing. How you guys care about me. How you guys make a joke of my resting bitch face. How you guys send a pict to me, send a pict of your face.

“MEERRR, GUSSSSSSSSS, FOTO GIGIT LIDAH DONG!!!”

Boom.

I have one.

Wait, ya. Habis sidang, gua pasti nyamperin kalian. Gua mau peluk-peluk. BTW, jangan sedih-sedih dong kalian berdua. Mer, jangan sedih karena dia. Gus, jangan sedih karena lo ga bisa jadi milik semua orang. Gua mau kalian berdua bahagia, sebagaimana pertama kali gua kenal kalian. Please.. ya?

“Ew, attention seeker.”

From: Jean, Your Friend who Always Give You An Attention

~

Untuk user SayaApp atau Hoomn yang ingin ikutan menulis surat juga di event #30HariSayaAppMenulisSurat, kalian bisa baca ketentuannya di bawah ini, ya! Tabik!

#30HariSayaAppMenulisSurat

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