Surat #195 Gil (2)

For: Dear, Gil

Hi, it has been 6 days. You haven’t texted me yet.

“I forgot my promised….” that was the last day, heh?

I still remember that night you texted me saying you had bawled again. You texted me,

“I NEED YOUR HELPPP!!!!!” and I aint reply, as always, I’m not a ninja texter. I know you can’t help it when you feel so fucked up. When you said you were tired & life is fucked up as always, I tried not to take it personally, but sometimes it does hurt my feelings. I’m here for you. I’m here supporting you, even you don’t feel it. But, who the hell I am, huh? An attention fucking whore who always give you an attention when you texted me

“See you later.” *April, 24th.”

“HI! Gw kangen banget astaga. Lebay, ya? Ngentot bodo amat.” April, 25th.

You are always being that attention fucking whore, Gil. But ahahahahaha, that is really ok.

I wish I knew how to tell you why I did this, why do I care, even you are not here, but the truth is I don’t fully understand myself. I know at times, you feel totally empty, as if every particle of yours has been sucked into black hole. Your body is heavy and your mind is sluggish. Can I help you, one more time? I know, you are like being stuck on autopilot and things are happening without your input.

It may take weeks, months, or even years, but eventually, I believe you’ll feel okay again. Ahahahaha, how’s life? I miss you.  I can’t tell you what will be the saving grace for you, but please, Gil, believe me, when I say that—it will come.  You’ll start seeing all the possibilities that life has to offer you instead of just focusing on the negatives that have been thrown your way.

“Retorika. Semuanya sampah. Lo tau kehidupan engga sebaik itu. Stop talking about that. How’s life?”—–again. “How’s life?” “Lalu?”

Most importantly, you’ll remember what it is like to be genuinely happy and not have to fake a smile and laugh, laugh, laugh. I hope, you’ll appreciate the small things that make you happy. Even it was just:

“Hahahahaha, lo goblok banget sih.”

“Hahahahahahahaha, gw seneng banget.”

“Thanks, you’re sweet.”…….”I need your help.”

“Kenapa sih Tuhan itu ada?” asking for God’s existence,

“Anjing. Kok lo langsung jawab gak ada sih? Kontol. Tuhan buat gw stress aja.”

“I prefer nighty night.”

“If I didn’t have this severe depression, i’d totally date you.”

I still remember, ahahahaha. Weird, heh?

Whatever you’re going through, always know the pain won’t last forever. And as the saying goes, “For every dark night, there’s brighter day.” Remember & you’ll get there, ngg you are there now, huh? “Retorika, kontol.” Gua masih rindu, penasaran, peduli, tapi biarlah lo menjadi urusan semesta.

PS: Have a good life, Kontol. So long.

#NP: Bach’s Air – Delia Derbishire

From:  your virtual friend who cares, that much.

Tertanda: Anon


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